It’s been a while since I’ve posted, this I am well aware. Half of the reason is I’ve felt less than inspired to share anything worthwhile with you. The other half, unfortunate life events. However, this morning I’ve decided to break the silence.
It’s with a heavy heart I’m writing this post this AM. Monday morning, my loving grandfather passed away after a long battle with cancer. Unfortunately, this does not come as a shock as he’s been sick for some time now, however, the moment a loved one finally passes is always hard to accept.
I’ve been fortunate enough in my life to never really have experienced a loss of a loved one. My uncle passed when I was in the third grade, but I believe I was too young to really grasp what all was taking place then. In a way, I feel guilty for not taking it ‘seriously’ (for lack of a better word), but on the other hand, what child truly understands death at that age?
Now, at my age, you’re expected to know what to do. But do you really ever know? I find myself wanting to hug him, listen to his corny jokes, wiggle my ears at him (Him and I are the only ones in our family that can wiggle our ears without moving our faces) just one more time, but I know I can’t.
And I think that is the hardest part about death. The finality of it all. The fact that you remember all these things you did with that person and the longing to do them one more time, but knowing you can’t. That’s what makes it worse.
To see the rest of my family upset isn’t making the situation any better, but it comes with the territory. The only solace is that we know he isn’t suffering anymore. Towards the end of his life, the pain got to be pretty bad.
I haven’t cried a lot. Just a couple of times here and there. I almost feel like it isn’t real. Like I can call them up or go over to their house and he’ll still be there. What snaps me back to reality is funeral talk. The fact that the newspaper published his obituary. The fact that we’ll be going to the cemetery tomorrow.
This event has made me think a lot about where people go after they pass. I watch too many paranormal shows to not wonder if souls still linger around us.
We’ll never know until it’s our time to go. Then, we’ll never be able to tell anyone!
I find writing this post makes it a little easier to cope with what’s going on. I tend to express feelings better in writing then I do verbally. I’m not writing this for sympathy comments or condolences because I feel like that would be ridiculous. This is more for me than it is for you, and sometimes, blogging should be selfish like that.